Couples Therapist Warns: Don’t Lose Yourself in New Love

As romantic relationships develop, individuals often unconsciously adapt their habits, from changing musical tastes to altering their style of dress. This phenomenon, known as mimicry, is driven by the human desire for emotional connection. According to Teresa Ouro, a psychologist based in Spain specializing in couples and sex therapy, this behavior can create a deeper bond with a partner but may also lead to a loss of one’s identity.

When people are attracted to someone, they may start to adopt traits or preferences that align with that person. “Studies show that we tend to subtly and automatically imitate people we like or are attracted to,” Ouro explained. This imitation serves to strengthen emotional ties, allowing individuals to feel more connected.

The Psychological Basis of Mimicry in Relationships

Mimicry often intensifies during the initial stages of infatuation, a time when insecurities can surface and the desire to impress is heightened. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist who has extensively studied romantic love, refers to this period as a neurochemical storm. “The brain releases large doses of dopamine, making us feel more creative and enthusiastic,” Ouro noted. This evolutionary response facilitates what is known as a ‘pair bond’.

During this phase, the brain’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for judgment and decision-making, becomes less active. As a result, individuals may idealize their partners and overlook potential red flags in their behavior. This can lead to a skewed perception of the relationship, where differences are minimized in favor of shared interests.

Maintaining Identity in Relationships

In the excitement of new love, the desire to please can overshadow authenticity. “It’s natural to want the other person to see us, choose us, admire us,” Ouro stated. Nonetheless, this pursuit may come at a cost. “Sometimes, in that attempt to fit in, we can leave parts of ourselves behind,” she cautioned.

Ouro posed a vital question for those navigating new relationships: “Am I discovering myself through them, or am I losing myself as I try to make them happy?” The good news is that relationships can also serve as a platform for personal growth. They may awaken forgotten interests or enrich existing passions. “Through our partners, we might discover new tastes, music, series, or other interesting new worlds,” she added.

To avoid losing one’s identity, Ouro recommends several strategies for maintaining authenticity while building connections. Self-reflection is essential; individuals should ask themselves whether their changes are genuine or simply efforts to gain approval. Additionally, maintaining personal routines, friendships, and hobbies can help preserve individuality.

“Authenticity creates a much stronger bond than forced similarities,” she emphasized. Ultimately, a healthy relationship thrives on common interests and complementary differences, fostering growth rather than conformity.

The dynamics of attraction and the desire for connection can lead to natural imitation. However, the strongest bonds are formed when partners can share their lives while remaining true to themselves. Authentic love is built on both shared experiences and the unique qualities that each person brings to the relationship.